Today, a game designer (designer A) I respect, and who is a friend of friends, pointed a finger at some actions of another game designer (designer B) who is a personal friend, saying that he said uncalled for and bad things about another game designer (designer C).
I've subbed into about a dozen threads. I've been in constant private discussion. A lot of it has been about if A is being a jerk to B, or if C is truly a monster.
And, frankly, I don't care about if A was mean to B, or if C was mean to A first. The argument and debate between A, B, and C is all between privileged men who are well positioned in the hobby. I have my own private thoughts here, which for now don't matter.
Here's what does matter: designer A's post, and the discussion around it, has made a lot of less privileged folk on the internet scared. Frightened. Suffering. Feeling silenced.
How do we mitigate that harm? How do we support the people who are physically ill at the notion of being drawn back into this? How are we shutting down death threads, rape threats, and other morally blameworthy that harms and silences members of our community? How do we shut down harassment? how are we supporting people are who not privileged, who feel their story has been silenced?
Like A, B, and C, I'm in a privileged position, and my wallet is not tied to gaming. This post'll be a safe space, meaning a couple of things. For one, I will immediately delete any comments that I decide are bad, and will do so without warning. This is the only warning. Subs are fine. It also means that if you wish to publicly discuss how this is affecting you, you are very welcome.
With thanks to Avonelle Wing , for asking questions and making me more woke. That's maybe proper grammar, and hopefully true.
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Listening.
ReplyDeleteuh - clarify what you mean by "making you aware of the fallout". LOL.
ReplyDeletethe phrasing makes it sound like I was out shopping for public opinion, but what I think you mean is that what I posted in response to "designer A"'s thread made you aware of implications you didn't see before I brought it up.
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ReplyDeleteAvonelle Wing editted.
ReplyDeleteThe best way to promote community is to promote community. To build each other up, not point out each other's flaws or give air time to disagreements. I love what Rob Donoghue did today in praising another community member. I have done that myself in the past (but not enough lately!). It makes a real, positive difference. I'm not sure what the post you referenced was trying to do, but I doubt it will ultimately promote community/unity.
ReplyDeleteI unequivocally like Ray's positivity, but I'd love to hear from some people who do not share my many security-advantages in social networking, about whether positivity alone is enough to foster a safe space. Ears open.
ReplyDeleteI can't shout out to any of the vulnerable parties today because that would be painting targets on them.
ReplyDeleteWhat Designer A did was delegitimize the anger of someone who has been the target of Designer C before, often for standing up for more marginalized people in game spaces.
ReplyDeleteDelegitimizing anger is a gaslighting technique closely related to "tone policing," where one clings to any straws one may have to dismiss the anger of the hurt person. This is particularly hurtful to me because it is something I lived with in my family until well into my adulthood, something I struggle with still, and something that is consistently done to women and other marginalized groups.
And it is bullshit.
I don't have an opinion or answer yet, but across my G+ I am seeing a lot of people piping up on the same threads with the same valid grievances, but not contributing to any solutions. Thank you William Nichols for trying to focus on a series of questions to help improve the discussion.
ReplyDeleteI have this sneaking suspicion that an even semi-public forum is too high-risk/low-reward for contribution by the people who are likeliest to have useful insights on the problem. The inherent problem in trying to make a safer community is that you always start doing it in the context of an unsafe community.
ReplyDeleteI've rolled back my thinking a step, from addressing the question of...
"How do we act to make a safer community?"
... to the question of ...
"How do I make it worth the investment of time, trust and energy for anyone to educate me on how I can help make a safer community?"
Obviously, your mileage may vary, and I would still be thrilled to be part of a broader discussion on the topic. But I am totally sympathetic to a wave of silence from folks who could speak, but have been burned many times in the past by doing so.
I want to comment more extensively but am dealing with enough "is today the day I get harassed for a choice I made over a year ago" anxiety already. Watching this play out has been a reminder of why I actively stepped back from TTRPG spaces.
ReplyDeleteTony Lower-Basch Agreed. I expect this post -- and posts like it in the future -- to be stepping stones, hopefully heading us in the right direction.
ReplyDeleteToday, most of us who are talking are either in positions of privilege, or feel strongly enough to risk it.
I'm quite glad Mickey Schulz and Nora Last have shared what they can.
Here's one way to mitigate, though perhaps not the one you have in mind: when Designer C asks you not to work with a woman freelancer, you work with her anyway. Because she had done nothing to deserve hate.
ReplyDeleteJosh T Jordan If we are thinking of the same woman freelancer, then we're talking of someone whose work is job notch, who understands and respects deadlines, gives appropriate and critical feedback, strives to include less privileged people and perspectives in her work, and is fantastic at a gaming table.
ReplyDeleteCould we be speaking of the same top notch Canadian freelancer?
William Nichols Maybe...
ReplyDelete1. The story would be hers to tell.
2. I am lucky enough to have worked with more than one designer who meets your description.
I'm not trying to be a dick. I just don't know for sure who you mean and wouldn't out her if I did.
I would feel better about a) speaking out more and b) considering rpgs a community at all if there were no tolerance for abuse. The abuser in question keeps popping up in places that people assume to be safe, and that's part of the reason it's so upsetting. For some reason, there is a tolerance for excusing abuse and even saying it doesn't exist (ie: so and so can't be transphobic, they love trans folx! never mind the constant harassment of trans folx!).
ReplyDeleteThe community, so to speak, doesn't believe victims/survivors. That's not unique, but it's actually on the side of abusers by and large, it looks like. And that's really upsetting and hurtful. I have barely been involved in any of this and I feel ill. One of my biggest supporters was bullied off social media and out of gaming by this abuse, so I am very confused and upset to have another great supporter support that abuse, even tangentially.
Nicole and it sucks more because you and many others are afraid to comment because Voldemort ...
ReplyDeleteUsually, I don't care. I've said a few things before. Today, I feel weird more than scared, but a little scared too. I've gotten most of my published creds from one magazine. Voldemort is less an issue than being conflicted over not wanting to make good people feel worse/not wanting to lose work/not wanting to continue a whole big thing. It sucks all around really.
ReplyDeleteJosh T Jordan You are right! I wasn't meaning to out anymore.
ReplyDeleteTo your point: Absolutely, promoting the work of less privileged people is a positive thing!
Jeffry Crews This isn't meant as moderation, but I feel a bit uneasy with use of the word "Voldemort" in this particular conversation. I'm not sure why; I've seen it before and approved it. Just here and now, it seems unnecessary and distracting.
ReplyDeleteUnderstood I'm just so tired of saying his name today
ReplyDeleteNicole Winchester It does all suck. I hear you on not wanting to get back into it / lose work. I think part of why this sucks so much has to do with money -- and with Mark's post (err.. game designer A) sounding a lot like "Be nice to game designer C or else I won't work with you" -- and that sounds like horse shit.
ReplyDeleteDoes that sound true to your experience?
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ReplyDelete.
ReplyDelete.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Nichols I didn't answer this right away as I was leaving work, and wanted to take some time to reread the post after my initial reaction and see how I felt. I can speak from my position, which is a cis woman who has:
ReplyDelete- worked on Codex and has been greatly encouraged and helped by Mark and Magpie
- had a Twitter friend and great backer of one of my ideas harassed and bullied off social media by ZS multiple times
- thinks that post came from a good place because good people but rubs head
I don't feel like Mark comes off as saying he won't work with anyone, which is kind of admirable, but he does seem to be saying he won't work with people who won't at least be civil to ZS, and that's a heavy condition to be laying on people. I'm frankly confused by all of this. It's also weird to me to frame it as an OSR/Indie thing because I had to google OSR about a year ago... I have literally zero interest in that fight.
I do have an interest in getting rid of abusers, however, and vagueplussed around this time last year about how I would not work with abusers, and if people wanted to, I wouldn't work with them. So my reaction was less 'ugh, will I get work?' and more 'well, if that's how it's going to be, I guess that's it then'. With a little more shock in there. Because I am still kind of stunned.
For the record, I don't have a single problem with OSR. It's not a game style that appeals to me, but I have no problem with it, and I have friends that really dig it.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A95yLXVgrn4
When I got my SO to start the workplace game he runs, someone made us play 1st Ed, basically! OLD SCHOOL AS YOU CAN GET
ReplyDeleteTony Lower-Basch I've been pretty successful at fostering a space where people can have tough conversations, change their minds, and be safe being vulnerable. I don't have the time to educate you personally, but if you want to see what I do and how, I can invite you to my private circles. You may be able to extrapolate a fair bit from there.
ReplyDeleteJessica Hammer: It would be an honor and a privilege to observe.
ReplyDeleteDone!
ReplyDeleteAnd let that be the beginning of the good to come of this!
ReplyDeleteNicole Winchester Thank you.
ReplyDeleteFrom where I sit, necessitating dealing with an abuser in order to have work isn't merely bad form.
I'm not sure what to call it yet, but I'm also not sure that is going on. I hope it is not. And, of course, it doesn't need to be intentional: there's an implicit warning there.
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ReplyDelete.
ReplyDeleteI'm mostly listening as I'm a white male designer who just published his first game. I'm trying hard to bring in diverse people into my own work and I have my own hot take on all this of course, BUT what I really wanted to say is that I truly appreciate and fully support what William Nichols Jessica Hammer Avonelle Wing are doing for this community. I'm here to help if I can.
ReplyDeleteMark Richardson Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYesterday, I stayed quiet and did a lot of listening trying to figure all this out. Then I saw questions from Avonelle Wing and realized that right then none of that matter: what was important was tending to the emotional trauma happening in the community.
Thanks to her guidance, I realized the best thing I could do was to use the privilege inherent in being a white dude to bring up the same questions and perspective that she was. Signal boosting with attribution is a good use of privilege, and a lot of other use require really knowing people.
So, maybe that's a thing you can do, too!
Yesterday also made me think "Hey, Tony, there's clearly some hard stuff going down, and you're only seeing the second-hand worries from the compassionate-and-privileged showing up in your feeds. Do you want to use this opportunity as a chance to question whether your feeds are limited to folks who share your privilege, and whether that implies something about your unconscious biases?"
ReplyDeleteI do, and they are, and it does, and darn.
So, on the one hand, "Another $@^%ing moral growth opportunity." On the other hand, I've found lots of new voices that I want in my feeds, so that's cool. I'm trying to sublimate my desire to say something (to at least the degree I can) into the actions of conscious following, and careful listening.
Tony Lower-Basch As second order effects go, making white guys more woke is a beneficial one.
ReplyDeleteFor my part, in most threads that I find, I'm just subbing and listening. Not true in all cases (like your post earlier this morning), but true in the majority.