On the distinction between fucks and spoons.

On the distinction between fucks and spoons.

tl;dr - If you can do it but don’t want to then you’re short on fucks, not spoons.

This is my current thinking, and I'd be happy to amend it. I think there's an important conversation to be had.

Prelude: Most of the time, I don’t count my spoons. Most of the time, I can do the things I want to do, and then some. Most of the time. Sometimes it is not; a year and a half ago I suffered an injury that left me unable to readily leave the house. Or shower. Or do a variety of other normal activities. At that point, I was counting my spoons.

Which is to say: I’m not just talking from a place of privilege, but I am talking to privilege. Mostly.

There’s been some call of late for able bodied and well people to not use the spoon metaphor when describing our lives, as it becomes appropriation and ableist bullshit. This is important, but erases components of the initial metaphor. In the original metaphor, everyone has spoons. Some spoons come back faster than others, some people have a lot more spoons. Some people have unlimited spoons. But, everybody has spoons.

Still, there is an important distinction to be made. I know I’ve started talking about spoons, and using the metaphor to describe situations where I absolutely can do something,, and I simply view it as a burdensome hassle.

And, well, that’s not being out of spoons. That’s having no fucks left to give. From here, the two can feel the same -- because it is so easy to forget what it is to be low on spoons.

Examples, from my own life:
"I have no more fucks left to give!" -- said when I choose not to engage with a topic because it won't be productive, and will siphon off energy that I want to hoard.

"I don't have the spoons for that." -- used when I cannot bring myself to do a thing, whether due to pain or energy or cognitive limitations or other things. One example: When i had to buy a shower bench because I could not stand for long enough to bathe.

Question is: If you want to not be guilty of appropriation, which should you use?
1. If coffee, ibuprofen, or other OTC medications would solve the problem, then fucks. For example, before my morning coffee I give no fucks; I want the coffee and everything else fades from mind. But, I absolutely could solve other problems if necessary.

2. Did you stop reading this, because you don’t give two fucks on the difference between spoons and fucks? Then fucks.

3. If you are at a place where the two seem like the same thing? Use spoons. That is, if not wanting to do something and not being able to seem only minorly different, you probably have low spoons.

4. Was getting out of bed painful, and did you have just enough spoons to feed the cat? Did you then fall down, and wish it could end? You are low on spoons.

5. Were you unable to read this, because it took a spoon you didn’t have? Spoons.

That's where I'm at, anyway.