Perspective is everything!
I'm going to a con next month. Currently, plan is to sleep alone, in a heated barn, in my sleeping bag. I'll need to transport it, and that's kinda annoying.
Due to changes in whatever, the con runner offered me a slot in a bed. A shared bed. With a dude.
Realization: feeling of dread. Dudes are gross.
Is this what every woman feels all the fucking time? Jeez.
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I mean, not all the time. Just whenever men I don't 100% trust are near enough to potentially do me harm. So, you know, varying levels of fear/alertness about 70 hours a week.
ReplyDeleteIf you were going to sleep in a barn, you could sleep on the floor of the hotel room. I'm sure they'd give you extra bedding.
ReplyDeleteWhat Kelley said.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about you, but I'd get twitchy about being offered shared bed space with a person of any gender if I didn't already know and trust them.
ReplyDeleteYes and no, in a similar situation, Dudes are gross is less of a concern than:
ReplyDeleteIs Dude reasonably safe?
Do I know anyone that knows Dude and can give me a sense of how safe he is? Do I trust them to assess it?
Are other people in screaming distance if dude decides he's going to try to sexually assault me?
Do I feel like if that happens that I will have intimate friends who I can land with? (the list on this is very short) and can Get Out
Do I have the resources to vacate early and get myself home even if wildly expensive?
Do I feel like if it happens the event, the hotel, and/or the locality law enforcement would support and advocate for me?
Note that going in to 1942 I had this very situation (I was to sleep in the same bed with my in-game husband). If Brand had not been in attendance in the larp, I might have dropped.
Very often, a hotel will have rolling cots. You can ask. Sometimes free, sometimes a fee.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe have your sleeping bag on the floor? Being in the host hotel for a con is always preferred.
There's no hotel. It's on a farm.
ReplyDelete....I stand corrected.
ReplyDeleteYou had insufficient information! My bad.
ReplyDeleteMo Jave ... that's all related to what i meant by "gross". Better articulated.
ReplyDeleteWhat everyone else has said about safety, plus, assuming I would feel safe with a specific person (which, as mentioned, is a gigantic assumption):
ReplyDelete-Will people assume we're together?
-Am I comfortable being assumed to be involved with this dude?
-Does this dude have a partner or partners and have they talked to them about sharing a bed with me and made sure everyone is okay with it?
-Is there a possibility of retaliation against me/social consequences for me because that conversation didn't happen or someone wasn't okay with it and the dude did it anyway?
Those I had not thought of, Ariana Tobias.
ReplyDeleteI also figure -- because I assume other people do this -- that there will be some bed switching at this con, and if I'm in a bed I should be prepared to move to make life easier for people who've found each other.
Hah. So I asked the con running if a single bed was possible.
ReplyDelete$20!
It's good to have money.