Friends
Tell me I've got good follow through. That I do things well. That I should be proud of my accomplishments. That I am valued and worthwhile.
Work is getting to me, and I can't expect Dianne to do all the work.
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You kidding me? Camp Nerdly 11 happened. IT HAPPENED!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure you did that, and that it went well. I mean, you were working and thinking on that for AT LEAST a year. That takes stamina.
I might only know you in one context, but you are awesome in that context. I can't imagine that you suddenly suck in another one.
ReplyDeleteYou just pulled off an awesome weekend. I'm not in your head, but here's approximately what goes on in mine after I do something well: "Sure, you did THAT thing okay. Doesn't that just prove that you could be doing everything else right, too? So why did you make that one mistake, huh? You're just not trying hard enough. You suck."
But my brain is an unreliable source with unreasonable expectations.
This might not be the uplifting feedback you need, but at the moment, it's what I have.
Okay, here, this is better:
When people ask me, "What can I do to help?" I panic. My brain runs around in circles, because I do need help, but I am not sure what help I need right now, but if I don't give them an answer, they probably won't offer again, because they'll think I don't actually need help, even though I do, and what if I tell them something that they aren't actually willing to do, then I'll make them feel bad, and they will definitely never offer again, and why can't I just think of something to tell them, ack, I suck. (My brain frequently comes back around to telling me I suck.)
The problem with people asking someone like me what they can do to help is that it puts the pressure back onto me to think of an answer. I am already struggling to think of a solution for myself. Now I feel like a double failure. But, on Friday night, when I was sitting by the fire, you came up to me and made a specific offer. It's easier to process a specific offer. I don't know how to fix me in general, but I can usually figure out if the one specific thing you are currently offering (in this case, it was a listening ear) is what I need right now. Even though the answer was no, a specific offer like that made me feel seen, loved, and worthy of at least that one, concrete form of help. That takes a level of emotional insight that most people don't have. Thank you.
William, you are so on the ball. I don't know what happened at work, but no one is perfect. And if I remember right you are going through a big transition at work, which is sure to throw anyone.
ReplyDeleteYou can do the things!
ReplyDeleteI could not even imagine coordinating and then implementing something like Nerdly. You did it and it was amazing. Well done.
ReplyDeleteLet's see, it's a few days after Nerdly. Have I been recompensed for the groceries I purchased? Why yes. Yes, I have.
ReplyDeleteI didn't get to see the results of your CN labor, but I did see the buildup and I've seen the past ones for many years. You bring welcome level of communication and organization, and I'm sure camp went better for that.
ReplyDeleteYou are smart, and pretty. And, yes, you have good follow through. I understand those feels though.
ReplyDeleteWe're all in post-con depression right now. Just know that you are awesome, you're intelligent, and there's no reason to think you've lost the ability to do the thing over the weekend.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you're a really good person. You care about everyone else's comfort and experience, and are an excellent facilitator.
ReplyDeleteYou are the bomb.com.co.uk.org.
ReplyDeleteAssemble a spreadsheet. Tell people what they need to know. Communicate clear lines of responsibility and ask people where they are stick. This easily solved, guys.
ReplyDeleteLike, there is some extent to which what I did for nerdly was easy - for me. And what I am trying to do at work is hard. Very.
My boss tells me I talk a big game and do not follow through.
William Nichols You’ve done the emotional work of building people up to do their best at Nerdly. You deserve a boss who builds you up instead of tearing you down.
ReplyDeleteYou also had great follow-through on the Kids Track organization.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Nichols See, that's the mental trap. If something seems easy to you, even if it's difficult for others, you downplay, discount, and dismiss your effort. If it seems difficult to you and easy for others, you beat yourself up because you're not as competent.
ReplyDeleteTruth? We're all good at some things and bad at others. At Nerdly, you saw a spot where you could be of service, and you jumped in. You used your skills to do something great for a lot of other people. You can be proud of that, full stop.
Your boss needs to figure out what your strengths are and how those can be useful at work. "Talking a big game" is important. It's also called "having a vision and communicating it."
Here's what your boss should have said: "You've got a vision and you know how to communicate it. How can we figure out how to implement your ideas so they result in real change?" That acknowledges what you did right and moves the discussion forward in a way that keeps you involved and gets more people on board.
Instead, your boss dismissed what you were doing well and blamed you for what wasn't happening, which is everyone else's fault as much as it is yours.
I've got an inkling of what your job involves from your previous posts. Real organizational change is very difficult. It can't be one person's job. It requires a team. You had that at Nerdly, so it seemed easy. It's not your fault if you don't have that at work.
And there is no way in hell I could have done what you did at Nerdly. Which is why I volunteered to clean a bathroom. My hat is off to you, sir.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you need one more reason to feel good about yourself, true story, sometime last year I saw this guy walking around my neighborhood and thought, hey, that's William from the Fiasco game at Nerdly! And then I immediately thought, no it isn't, William is better looking than that guy.
ReplyDeleteSo there it is. You're better looking than your doppleganger. How many people can say that?
To me, cleaning a bathroom is harder work than walking around a room looking for problems to solve.
ReplyDeleteTrue story of a failure of mine at Nerdly that didn't matter at all: It was time to get the lunches setup, and I coudln't find Rachael. That's fine.
The person whose chore it was and who was present had never done it before. I tried asking her what she needed and, of course, she had no idea.
I was lucky Dave Younce showed up and took over. At that point, I told everyone "do whatever Dave says".
Which worked out well, and I most def had that moment of error that was gently corrected and didn't result in harm to the project (where Nerdly is the project)
William Nichols will you accept that you are friends with a bunch of really smart people and that if we think you’re awesome, you must be doing something right?
ReplyDeleteAlso a dictum I’m delivering with love: don’t let your jerkbrain treat compliments like debate club topics. Try “yes and”-ing the shit out of it. “Yes, I appreciate what you say, and I think YOU are awesome Ron for cleaning the bathroom”
ReplyDeleteYou are right Katie. It's awesome that my friends cleaned the bathrooms!!!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a painful day and a painful conversation. I have never worked with you. But I can say that I am glad you are my friend. I can also say that your value as a person isn't defined by your boss.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you figure out how to internalize any of what people are telling you right now let me know what you did. Because I don't know that I could.
And you made sure everyone knew whose job it was to clean the bathrooms. And made sure those things got done. Management is just as important as labor.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Nichols Yes! And it is awesome that you utilized your incredible organizational skills to pull everything together and create space for those of us with other skills
ReplyDeleteYou did the thing! And it was a big thing! And it was awesome and you should be proud.
ReplyDeleteAlso work making you feel like shit is just trying to make you accept them paying you less than you're worth. Maybe. But it seems like a good theory to throw out here.
Oh. And you're trying to take care of your shit. That's huge.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Nichols I'm struggling to see how that story illustrates failure. You tried something that didn't work (finding Rachael), then tried something else that didn't work ("What do you need?"), then tried something else that did work ("Do what Dave Younce says.") Sounds like a story of perseverance and leadership to me.
ReplyDeleteClean bathrooms are important. Spreadsheets are important. Having someone willing to walk around and look for problems to solve and ask questions and be humble enough to know exactly when to let someone else take over and give credit when they do so is really, really important. It might be the most important thing.
I could not have cleaned that bathroom if you hadn't been there to answer three questions for me: No, you don't have to scrub, Yes, you do have to swap out the garbage bag, and I don't know, ask Megan where the garbage bags are.
Not only me, but every single person in that camp needed you to know how to do their job or who to ask. And you did it.
A person who talks big but doesn't follow through would have quit the first day, or months before the event.
And what Patty said!
ReplyDeleteListen to Ron Stanley for he is wise
ReplyDelete