This week has been a mess. Here's some things I've been thinking about:

This week has been a mess. Here's some things I've been thinking about:

On Creeps
The way that creepy adult dudes act is not the same as the way socially awkward adult dudes act. I really wish people would stop perpetuating this myth.

If you start with "Don't worry, I'm safe/ not a creep/ old/ anything really", it's a red flag. It means you know you're being weird. Socially awkward people don't do that. Creeps do.

Socially awkward people don't isolate you from others before they weird all over you. Creeps do.

Socially awkward people don't engineer situations so it's down to he said/she said. Creeps do.

Creeps know the line they can walk so that other dudes will chalk up their behavior to them being socially awkward. Believe women when they've worked up the courage to complain about a friend of yours, when they've gone over the interaction in their minds a million times, when they've second and third and 400th guessed themselves and told you about it anyway. Don't ask if they're sure he's not just socially awkward.

Yeah, I'm mostly using creep as shorthand here. They are manipulative and know exactly how to appear "harmless" to other dudes and anyone who isn't their target.

On Believing Women
Men, when a woman tells you about a man who used his power to discredit her, throw her under the bus, or otherwise silence her, that is an expression of trust. DO. NOT. Defend that man to her. That is a violation of trust and a clear signal that you do not have her back.

I can guarantee you that woman will quietly tell other women about you not having her back, and that when women end up not trusting you it will be your fault.

On harassing within the community
So, like, seriously? Has anyone else noticed that the serial harassers and bullies seem to congregate in one specific RPG community?

Like, I know there are people who find good, safe spaces there. But for me? I've seen nothing but toxicity.

Help me out, folks. What's redeemable over there?

Cause I just had a dude go from circled to blocked and reported in under 10 minutes.

On Cookies
International Men's Day is November 19th.

If you are wondering when and where you get recognized for not being part of "all men," that's when. That's the day you get your ally cookies.

Caveat : if some asshole murders a bunch of women the day before, we're gonna have to wait a week.

On Geek feminism
Geek feminism suffers from the fact that so many women think of themselves, or have, as "exceptional girls," "not like those other girls," "guys respect me...." Right up until they don't.

The above were all written by women, and used with permission.
Namely: Misha B, Anna Kreider, Stephanie Bryant, Mickey Schulz

Because what we don't need is another cis white dude explaining that this shit is not OK.

When you read these were all written by women, did your views change? Tell me how.

I'll be around to discuss, but warning: I will moderate hard. Things I write in the comments will be my own words.