I've been in a similar boat and it was monstrously unhealthy for me.
Good wishes for hanging in there until you can get into a better situation.
Don't hesitate to assess the risks/rewards of giving notice before you have a new job in hand. It may not turn out to be practical, but don't avoid thinking about it because the usual case is to only leave when you've secured a landing. If you have enough financial reserves it may be worth it for your mental health; cost out COBRA vs. ACA (quitting is a qualifying event) so you can maintain coverage.
William Nichols This is perfectly reasonable; it's a risk mitigation to save your reserve.
Take it day by day and if it gets worse, using the reserve might start to look better. Maybe set a hard limit on when to pull the plug. Practice a lot of self-care, to boost your resilience.
Think about if it was your partner in your shoes, not yourself. Would you urge that she just quit now? Or think that she'd be okay if she hung on and interviewed while working? We're usually kinder to our partners than to ourselves. Get her input on your emotional state and assessment of your resilience, if you haven't already.
I don't know the size of your company, but if it's large, would transferring to another group be an option? That often is less stressful on many levels.
William Nichols Ugh. That really is toxic. Usually HR should be able to convince your boss that it's in the company's interest to let you move to a different position for productivity and to not lose you. In my company there's a myth that your boss needs to release you: it's only a myth that managers use to their advantage. I'd ask HR if you haven't already.
William Nichols Not unless you think it would help. More to check in with your partner if you haven't already, and think about what you'd advise her to do if she was in your place. It might be different than your own inclination (because we sometimes try to tough things out even though we wouldn't ask someone else to.)
Also, ugh on your boss not letting you go. That would be such an easy answer if so. :(
Be good to you.
ReplyDeleteI concur. Sending you good luck.
ReplyDeleteMaybe in the future before this happens? Good luck.
ReplyDeleteOh, William, that sucks (the panic attack). Definitely interview.
ReplyDeleteTurns out I'm very fragile.
ReplyDeleteIsn't everybody at some time or other? Some just hide it better than others. Or they are Terminators. 😉
ReplyDeleteI've been in a similar boat and it was monstrously unhealthy for me.
ReplyDeleteGood wishes for hanging in there until you can get into a better situation.
Don't hesitate to assess the risks/rewards of giving notice before you have a new job in hand. It may not turn out to be practical, but don't avoid thinking about it because the usual case is to only leave when you've secured a landing. If you have enough financial reserves it may be worth it for your mental health; cost out COBRA vs. ACA (quitting is a qualifying event) so you can maintain coverage.
Health care, luckily, is through her health insurance. The job provides a healthy salary, and, yes, I have a few months of reserves.
ReplyDeleteI just do not want to need to spend them.
William Nichols This is perfectly reasonable; it's a risk mitigation to save your reserve.
ReplyDeleteTake it day by day and if it gets worse, using the reserve might start to look better. Maybe set a hard limit on when to pull the plug. Practice a lot of self-care, to boost your resilience.
Think about if it was your partner in your shoes, not yourself. Would you urge that she just quit now? Or think that she'd be okay if she hung on and interviewed while working? We're usually kinder to our partners than to ourselves. Get her input on your emotional state and assessment of your resilience, if you haven't already.
I don't know the size of your company, but if it's large, would transferring to another group be an option? That often is less stressful on many levels.
ReplyDeleteGretchen S. Did you just say i should go see a shrink?
ReplyDeleteChristo Meid Various parts of the company have tried to hire me away, but the bossman in charge is not letting go. The why is unclear.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Nichols Ugh. That really is toxic. Usually HR should be able to convince your boss that it's in the company's interest to let you move to a different position for productivity and to not lose you. In my company there's a myth that your boss needs to release you: it's only a myth that managers use to their advantage. I'd ask HR if you haven't already.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Nichols Not unless you think it would help. More to check in with your partner if you haven't already, and think about what you'd advise her to do if she was in your place. It might be different than your own inclination (because we sometimes try to tough things out even though we wouldn't ask someone else to.)
ReplyDeleteAlso, ugh on your boss not letting you go. That would be such an easy answer if so. :(