I've been trying to figure out how to phrase the resolution for this new year's.
I think I finally got it: To speak up whenever I see intimidation tactics in use, whether against me or others.
This is the place where I morally fail the most, and where small interventions of mine could have the largest possible gain. At first I thought of this as "tell cops they are pig fuckers", but that's not quite right. either -- that would escalate the situation. Instead, this is more "if a cop is harassing people (invariable PoC), speak up about it"
I'm not entirely sure how to do that. It may be as simple as "Officer, you are using dangerous intimidation tactics that making me feel unsafe in my neighborhood. Please stop.", but that's too wordy.
When seeing a manager speak ill to an employee, it might be "George, the way you treat Kathleen is inappropriate. I hope you'll do better in the future." Luckily, no one at my office uses intimidation tactics where I can see it, so that's less likely to come on. (Ignoring, of course, the compulsion of capitalism.)
When seeing a man stalk a lady at a bar (what? I don't go to bars.), it might be "Asswipe, leave the girl alone. Back. The. Fuck. Off.", but that will lead to escalation.
My biggest concern with all of these situations is they are, arguably and perhaps correctly so, none of my business. Is it my job or moral duty to intervene when a cop is an asshole in public, or when a manager treats an employees poorly? Or, when a dude treats a lady like an object?
I'm not sure how to do these without causing undue escalation -- the T is strong in me -- but, if I don't try I can't get there, can I?
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I tend to think of it not as defending (for instance) a woman from some creep, but rather as defending myself from a world in which guys get to be creeps to women and I don't get to say a word.
ReplyDeleteAmong other things, that helps me separate out the tempting questions of whether anyone owes me anything for my action (they don't) and whether the situation justifies me taking actions I otherwise wouldn't (it usually doesn't).
Yeah, and figuring that out is a continued tight rope. I think I've veered too much towards one direction over the last few years, and its time to take it back. To push for a better world in small ways. To show empathy and point out when it is not shown from others. And to do so without escalating the situation -- which I have never been good at.
ReplyDeleteWell, time to try once more.